This question slides in to my DM’s regularly…. Where do I start!
Couples who have tied the knot and come out the other side are reaching out, confused and sometimes hurt by the absence of wedding gifts from certain guests.
The big question they’re asking is: Should they confront these guests to clarify if there’s been a mix-up, or perhaps to indirectly ask, “Where’s my gift?” (Personally I would die before approaching anyone!)
As an Irish person, my instinct is to avoid confrontation and instead hold a quiet grudge, marking those guests for life. But honestly, what would you do in this situation? It’s a tough one, because on one hand, gifts are not a statutory requirement for weddings; they are voluntary tokens of goodwill. Yet, in Ireland, it’s quite customary to give a gift when attending a wedding.
We must remember that the financial situation of guests can vary greatly. While some may attend a wedding but be unable to afford a gift, others might simply be unaware of the expectation. PLus, can we normalise not putting obscene amounts of money in a wedding card please!
The fact is, a guest’s presence at your wedding is not something that should be taken lightly or expected to come with strings attached.
Here’s what some you had to say on this matter:
- “I would honestly do nothing about it. I don’t expect my guests to give me anything; being a guest at a wedding is a big expense itself!”
- “I’d just be happy that they made it to my wedding. It’s an expensive day to attend, and I feel that their presence is the present.”
- “Oh god no! This happened to us; we never said anything… I couldn’t. But I haven’t forgotten and won’t!”
- “I wouldn’t go if I couldn’t afford to give a gift.”
- “I think what’s worse is giving a gift and getting no acknowledgement or thank you.”
- “Their presence at your wedding should matter more than a gift or card that could be discarded in a few years.”
- “I would hate to think someone couldn’t come to my wedding because they couldn’t afford a gift. I’d rather their presence than presents.”
- “There were five couples that came to our wedding that gave us nothing. I’m just happy they came. I personally would never not give though.”
- “Can we talk about not receiving a thank you after handing out hundreds of euros as a gift? Even just a text or email, anything. So rude.”
- “We thought some guests didn’t give us a gift, turns out the best man was pocketing some of the cash!”
Ultimately, the consensus leans towards understanding and empathy. Weddings are expensive affairs for both the couple and the guests. While it’s customary and polite to give a gift, it shouldn’t be an expectation that overshadows the joy of having your loved ones share in your special day.
Financial struggles and different priorities mean that not everyone will be able to meet these expectations, and that’s okay.
So, what would you do? Make sure to share your thoughts over on Instagram!
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