Sigh…… I really feel for this followers DM. An anonymous follower sent me a message recently sharing how upset she is as her fiance has little to no interest in helping plan their big day.
Photo credit: Bradley Henderson Photography.
This particular bride to be was taking his lack of contribution to being a representation on how he may not want to marry her….of course, this is where I had to jump on in and help settle this pattern of thinking. Now don’t get me wrong, sometimes a lack of engagement and negativity in the planning could show up that there are relationship issues but in this case, her partner was just taking her super organisation skills for granted.
It’s not about his commitment to the relationship, but his “I don’t care” attitude when it comes to the details of the big day. You know the one—responses like “You choose, you have better taste” or “Whatever you want is fine…… or maybe it’s just a ‘MM MM’…..dear lord I would have to be held back from losing my cool. Anyway, this is a two person job and there is no I in Team after all. So let’s dive into why this happens and how to navigate this tricky terrain together. AND let’s be clear, this isn’t exclusive to groom’s! Some brides could be taking a back seat too.
Firstly, we have to understand the perceived “I Don’t Care” Attitude. It’s may not be a lack of interest in the wedding, but rather a few common underlying factors.
Key Issues:
- Overwhelm: The sheer number of decisions can be daunting, and some might feel overwhelmed by the details. Have you heard of decision fatigue!
- Perception of Expertise: They might genuinely believe you have better taste or a clearer vision for the wedding.
- Fear of Disappointment: Some worry that their choices might not meet your expectations, so they default to letting you decide. Have you shot down any suggestions without realising and could they be retracting?
- Different Priorities: They might be more focused on the big picture—being married to you—rather than the specifics of the day itself.
How to Get On The Same Page in Wedding Planning
Now that we understand the potential reasons, let’s talk about strategies to get your partner more engaged in the wedding planning process.
The first port of call is a chat. Pop out for a bite to eat, get in to a relaxing mode and casually express that you are finding it difficult and could do with some support, and that their opinion is so important to you. You can go back to my basics when kick starting your wedding planning journey.
- Share the Vision: Start by discussing your overall vision for the wedding. Understanding the big picture can make the details feel more meaningful and less overwhelming. Have you actually asked them what their vision is? What you could be going full steam ahead with might not be what they wanted but they know this is what you want so they are content to let you build that vision.
- Assign Specific Tasks: Give him/her specific responsibilities that match his/her interests or strengths. If they loves music, let them handle the band or DJ selection. If they’re a foodie, task them with the catering decisions etc.
- Make It Fun: Turn planning sessions into date nights. Visit potential venues, attend tastings, or browse online for inspiration together. Make it an enjoyable experience rather than a chore.
- Value Input: Actively seek their opinion, even if it’s something you think they don’t care about. Ask open-ended questions that encourage more than a yes/no answer.
- Limit Choices: Present them with a few curated options instead of overwhelming him with endless choices. For example, narrow down the venue choices to your top three and ask for their opinion on those.
- Communicate Needs: Let them know how important their involvement is to you. Sometimes, expressing how much you value their input can motivate them to engage more.
- Create a Timeline: Break down the planning process into manageable steps with a timeline. Having clear deadlines can help keep both of you on track and reduce last-minute stress.
- Acknowledge Contributions: Show appreciation for their efforts, no matter how small. Positive reinforcement can go a long way in encouraging continued involvement.
- Delegate with Trust: Trust them with the tasks you assign and avoid micromanaging. Allowing them to take ownership can boost confidence and willingness to participate.
- Discuss Expectations: Have an open conversation about what aspects of the wedding are most important to each of you. This can help balance the planning load and ensure both your visions are represented.
Remember, wedding planning is a partnership. It’s about creating a day that reflects both of you, and involving your partner can make the process more enjoyable and less stressful for you both.
By understanding their perspective and using these strategies, you can navigate the “I don’t care” attitude and build a wedding day that’s truly a joint effort.
And if all else fails…..there’s always wine!
You’ve got this, and you’re not alone on this journey!
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